I am a person who truly loves Christmas time. I love the snow, the lights, the trees, wrapping presents, and of course giving presents. This year I look forward to sharing the holiday with my newly grown family, and my all together new family.
The only downside to this season, is how school seems to drone on and on. The days go by fast, but the weeks go by slow. But then the weekend is too short. Oh how that is so frustrating.
But I am starting to realize that my High School career is winding down. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this now that it's honestly hitting me. I'm happy to see it over with, so I can move on with my life and get out of the drama and nasty people. But at the same time, I guess it just makes me remember all of my mistakes made through high school, and there has been a lot. And I realize that. And I suppose I feel that since high school will be over, there is no way to reprimand those mistakes. The mistakes that stick out in my head most, is the friends lost.
I've never been a horribly social person. I'm usually shy, quite and reserved around people I don't know well. But I have never had a shortage of friends, I've always had somebody there for me.
But now I feel like I have begun a personal vendetta on my own social life. Yes I have a boyfriend, and some distant friends. But I've lost that one person who knows every single thing about you, the one I'd stay up and talk to about everything, together all the time, and always the one you cried to.
Sometimes I find myself crying, and being so frustrated because I don't know who exactly I can turn to. Yes Casey is always there and I know that. But sometimes you just need a friend, not somebody that is more than that.
I look back on friendships, and think of how they ended. And I feel like they are a result of my stubbornness and my strong opinions, that they just push people away. I feel as if I am never to have a true friend, almost to the point of me feeling undeserving. I've been caught on this subject for almost 6 months now. Its something that keeps me up at night, frustrating and making me sad. But not necessarily wanting to talk about it.
Looking back on old blog posts, I feel like I was being selfish. That its my fault we grew apart like we did. That I didn't quite understand what was going on in her life, not from lack of caring. Because even to this day I wonder how she's doing. But for lack of not noticing any changes with her. Now I feel like a horrible friend, and think "No wonder". She was the one person there, through every mistake I made starting in the 7th grade through most of high school. We grew and we changed together, we ended up completely different people, but we still got along so well.
Now when I think of it, my thoughts remind me of a break-up. Which makes me feel childish and dumb. But its the only way I can explain it. I hate the feelings of jealousy. Because I shouldn't be feeling that. Because it was my fault things turned out like they did.
I need to push these thoughts out of my head and move on with my life. But that is easier said than done obviously.
This time of year is supposed to be one of joy, happiness and togetherness. And that's all I ever felt this time of year, until this year. I feel like my life is ending, when most people feel their lives are just beginning. I should be enjoying my family, and savoring every minute of my senior year. But my mind is holding me back because there is a big piece missing.
Maybe one day I will scrape up enough nerve to ask the questions I ask myself everyday. Try to patch up the hole. And enjoy what I have left of this time of being a child.
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Swine Flu
The swine flu is a pretty big thing just about everywhere, and here we have two or three schools "infected". I recently got the huge lecture from my dad about how important it is to wash my hands as much as possible, to use purel, and to up my vitamin C intake. Common sence. Well at our school people dont really think much about the swine flu, only because nobody there has been diagnosed with it.
But the other day in government we were playing a game outside where we had to touch hands together, the game was very lame. We finaly got back into the room and as everybody sat down, two Mexican's went up and washed their hands (we have a sink in the back of the class room) and people started making fun of them. I thought this was very rude, and I remember the lecture from my dad. So I walked over and stood in a singular line behind the two mexican boys and I also washed my hands. By this time people had stopped making fun of them and they never said anything to me.
I think its odd that people would make fun of others for trying to be sanitarily safe. Thats like making fun of somebody for using condoms to avoid contracting STD's. I think its a little ridiculous. Teenagers need to open their eyes and stop being so rude and naive. This bothers me greatly and I'm sure there will be many more insidents of such occurances.
But the other day in government we were playing a game outside where we had to touch hands together, the game was very lame. We finaly got back into the room and as everybody sat down, two Mexican's went up and washed their hands (we have a sink in the back of the class room) and people started making fun of them. I thought this was very rude, and I remember the lecture from my dad. So I walked over and stood in a singular line behind the two mexican boys and I also washed my hands. By this time people had stopped making fun of them and they never said anything to me.
I think its odd that people would make fun of others for trying to be sanitarily safe. Thats like making fun of somebody for using condoms to avoid contracting STD's. I think its a little ridiculous. Teenagers need to open their eyes and stop being so rude and naive. This bothers me greatly and I'm sure there will be many more insidents of such occurances.
Simple Joys
It's been awhile since I worte, nothing was really happening that felt worth writing about. But just yesterday, I went to my culinary class a little late. We were making "pocket pies" by the time I arrived my group had already made the dough and rolled it out. I felt very out of place because I did no work, and I did not know anybody in that class. I stood there awkwardly waiting for everybody to complete their pocket pies. The first girl finished and put her pies on the baking sheet, everybody else in the group ooo'd and aww'd about them. And you could just see how happy the girl was, she was a sophmore who never talked to anybody in the class, but seemed to find great joy in cooking. She was so happy and I actually smiled when I noticed this. After much pressing and brushing, our pies went into the oven. As the baking progressed everybody began checking their pies by turning the oven light on, pleased with their pies they would scurry across the room to get their friends to come look at their pies. Its interesting to see the different pies everybody made when we all had the same recipe and watched the same instructional video, small, fat, skinny, long, clean and gooey. Everybody was envious of every pie but their own, but you could see the joy in their faces when somebody admired their pie. Maybe its the same principle as when girls say they look fat or ugly just to hear people disagree with them. Nether the less people were enjoying themselves and enjoying their pies. I kept to myself most of the class, and just watched.
It's interesting to me how something as simple as making some pies could honestly and truly bring teenagers together like it did. This group of thrity students went from staying within their clicks to talking and comparing pastries. And how the smallest compliment can make somebody's day. I admire these moments, even though they are not the moments that stick out in our minds for the rest of our lives, they do leave an empression for a few days at least. I wish there were more things in a high schoolers life that brings days like these around more often. But the fact is they dont, because teenagers are a mutated human for those short seven years.
It's interesting to me how something as simple as making some pies could honestly and truly bring teenagers together like it did. This group of thrity students went from staying within their clicks to talking and comparing pastries. And how the smallest compliment can make somebody's day. I admire these moments, even though they are not the moments that stick out in our minds for the rest of our lives, they do leave an empression for a few days at least. I wish there were more things in a high schoolers life that brings days like these around more often. But the fact is they dont, because teenagers are a mutated human for those short seven years.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Why are people so rude?
Yesterday was pretty average, I had to read my "about me" essay in front of the class, which went better than expected, I don't have any friends in there so I'm kind of a loner. The teacher pulled me aside to tell me how she liked what i wrote about wanting to turn baking and cake decorating into my career, so she told me about her step daughter who works in a fancy restraunt in New York called "BLT fish" the whole story was pretty interesting and it felt nice to be pulled aside for something small and personal like that. But when another student who was reading their essay, a group of people in the class made fun of him out loud. I felt horribly bad for him, he was one of those mexican's that was borderline gangster. I had him in two of my classes and he seemed nice enough, didn't talk much, participated and seemed overall happy. So I had nothing against him. But I really felt bad for him, because I have been that kid that they all laugh at, because like I said, writing about yourself is hard, so people struggle with it. You never know what you should or want to share with people you barley know. I wanted to walk up to him and tell him I liked his paper, but because I'm so shy I didn't. Then during the same class, a guy he had been talking to left for lunch and never came back. A girl in class went on and on about how he was probably getting high somewhere and thats all those people do. I heard very well and I knew he heard, I could tell it upset him, which made me feel even worse for him. But I'm a quite person in that class so I cant really say anything to these people, not yet at least. One day I'll get so annoyed and snap at them. I really felt bad for this boy, he seemed nice, nicer than most mexicans, and he seemed to actually try in school, which is empressive to me because there are so many people in general who don't care about school, and to be made fun of for trying breaks my heart. Because thats the reason why people drop out, because of people who think they are better than everybody and are obnoxious. One day I will muster up the courage to go talk to this mysterious mexican boy and tell him I liked his paper, or to stick up when people make racist comments like he's not even there. But that day has not yet come. This consumed my mind the rest of the day.
And today, once again I got in a little trouble in seminary. When I honestly didn't do anything. Everybody knows I'm less than enthusiastic about school in general. I get tired when I'm bored and I'm easily bored. We were in class going over some scripture memorizing stuff, where you write the first letter of every word and miraculously remember it like that, this has never worked for me. I really needed to go to the bathroom and refill my water bottle, so, like I have done in seminary for the past 3 years, I got up and went to the bathroom without asking for permission, you cant really leave the seminary building without the teacher hearing the doors so this has never been an issue. While me and a friend were filling up our water bottles the teacher came out of the classroom and told us we need to ask to go to the bathroom, that he will say yes we just need to ask. Me, being tired and bored told him it was something we have never had to ask for in three years and its gonna be a hard habbit to learn, because its kinda of annoying to have to ask like a 5 year old to go to the bathroom, most of my regular classes I dont even have to ask to go to the bathroom. So then we all went back into the classroom, and while I was sitting at my desk the teacher came up to just me, and told me I need to give him the respect he gives me. Now I didn't think I was being disrespectful in anyway to anybody. Nobody else was told this, just me. So that kind of frustrated me. All of this makes me miss our old seminary teacher, which we had just started getting used to when they had to switch schools. I think it takes a long time to get used to all your students and realize they are all different. And we had just gotten to that point when he left. Now we have a new teacher that is very different from our last two teachers. And I dont think nine months will be long enough to get used to him. And also when I walked into class he informed me that he had heard stories about me from a woman from church that I dont even know. I told him that was weird because she dosn't even know me, and he talked to me like I was stupid, like she did know me. When I most certainly do not know this lady he spoke of. He came up to me multiple times saying she sounded like she knew me. I dont know why it was so hard to understand that she must have gotten mixed up, because he dosn't even know me enough to know if other people know me well. So seminary is kind of getting off on a bad foot.
And today, once again I got in a little trouble in seminary. When I honestly didn't do anything. Everybody knows I'm less than enthusiastic about school in general. I get tired when I'm bored and I'm easily bored. We were in class going over some scripture memorizing stuff, where you write the first letter of every word and miraculously remember it like that, this has never worked for me. I really needed to go to the bathroom and refill my water bottle, so, like I have done in seminary for the past 3 years, I got up and went to the bathroom without asking for permission, you cant really leave the seminary building without the teacher hearing the doors so this has never been an issue. While me and a friend were filling up our water bottles the teacher came out of the classroom and told us we need to ask to go to the bathroom, that he will say yes we just need to ask. Me, being tired and bored told him it was something we have never had to ask for in three years and its gonna be a hard habbit to learn, because its kinda of annoying to have to ask like a 5 year old to go to the bathroom, most of my regular classes I dont even have to ask to go to the bathroom. So then we all went back into the classroom, and while I was sitting at my desk the teacher came up to just me, and told me I need to give him the respect he gives me. Now I didn't think I was being disrespectful in anyway to anybody. Nobody else was told this, just me. So that kind of frustrated me. All of this makes me miss our old seminary teacher, which we had just started getting used to when they had to switch schools. I think it takes a long time to get used to all your students and realize they are all different. And we had just gotten to that point when he left. Now we have a new teacher that is very different from our last two teachers. And I dont think nine months will be long enough to get used to him. And also when I walked into class he informed me that he had heard stories about me from a woman from church that I dont even know. I told him that was weird because she dosn't even know me, and he talked to me like I was stupid, like she did know me. When I most certainly do not know this lady he spoke of. He came up to me multiple times saying she sounded like she knew me. I dont know why it was so hard to understand that she must have gotten mixed up, because he dosn't even know me enough to know if other people know me well. So seminary is kind of getting off on a bad foot.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Day Numero Dose
So, with the first day of school behind me, I was a little more clam about today. I slept in until seven and contemplated wearing the shirt I wore to bed last night to school, nobody would no it had previously been my pajamas. But I trudged my way to the closet and picked out a simple t shirt and continued to get dressed in a very casual outfit, which is not normal for the first week or so of school. Usually you try to look your best the first week at least. This is when I knew I was over the high school experience already.
I made my way, slightly late, to my teachers aide class. It was nice seeing a familiar teacher and knowing all I would have to do that period was sit there and listen to freshman getting lectured about drinks in the classroom, with a few references to me. We talked a little about our summers and then he went on lecturing the class and playing tic tack know. (he thought it was clever)
Class soon ended and I made my way down the catwalk and this is when I had a revelation I know nobody would have figured out for me. We all hear this from our older siblings as we enter high school, "You never keep the same friends through High school". You hear it yet you don't want to believe it, and with all your being you do your best to avoid this situation. You do this for two reasons at the ages 14-18, One, because you don't want to know your older siblings are right about anything, and two, because you cant image not being besties with your best friend. But on this fine sunny day it hit me like a train, even though I knew it was coming all summer. That there are many times where that statement is true. And at that moment I knew I had fallen into that statistic of High schoolers who hop from friends to friends. I walked past Hayley, a girl I had known since the seventh grade, she had been there for me through every little silly, sad, hysterical, and depressing moment of my teenage life. When we stopped talking in the summer, I thought school would bring us back together. Because there was never a Becky without a Hayley, and visa versa. But this morning at about 8:15 I realized we weren't friends anymore, and we would not be friends the way we had been the past five years. I walked past, and neither one of us looked at the other, neither tried to approach or talk to each other. We just went on with our days and our friends. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. Because to be quite honest I have no idea how this all happened. I guess it goes to show high school does change you, and I guess the sooner your figure that out the better. Maybe we'll find another to replace the missing limb in our lives. Maybe nobody will ever fill the void where Hayley oddly fit into my life. I never thought this was how things would be my senior year, as a freshman I pictured it completely different. But as Casey says "plans never work out". I'm hurt about the situation, but life goes on.
After this quick and deep epiphany, I made my way across the street to get into seminary with Shani. We once again had a new teacher. Joy. I had promised my mother that I would be nice. So I did my best, I honestly did. But some people just rub me the wrong way, and he's one of those people, and I'm sorry for saying it. And for once in two years, I had missed Brother Fuhriman. So after being scolded and showed pictures of apostles, class finally ended. I quickly walked out the classroom and out onto the side walk, walking quick I vented to Shani, venting usually doesn't last long with me, its a lot of noises and short words.
So after we made it back to campus we went our separate ways. I made my way into my economics class, I once again found the closest seat to the door, luckily in this class I had a few friends I knew pretty well. Mr. Markle is a loud, older man who enjoys banging a stick around. He read off of a power point very loudly, he was humorous, which made the class go by faster. We joked about past years in school, and things we have done. Memories we will not soon forget about, the kind of things where in ten years we will find each other on facebook and email back and forth for a few days talking about how funny it was. Class ended and we quietly went our separate ways, until the next "B" day.
I made my way, slightly late, to my teachers aide class. It was nice seeing a familiar teacher and knowing all I would have to do that period was sit there and listen to freshman getting lectured about drinks in the classroom, with a few references to me. We talked a little about our summers and then he went on lecturing the class and playing tic tack know. (he thought it was clever)
Class soon ended and I made my way down the catwalk and this is when I had a revelation I know nobody would have figured out for me. We all hear this from our older siblings as we enter high school, "You never keep the same friends through High school". You hear it yet you don't want to believe it, and with all your being you do your best to avoid this situation. You do this for two reasons at the ages 14-18, One, because you don't want to know your older siblings are right about anything, and two, because you cant image not being besties with your best friend. But on this fine sunny day it hit me like a train, even though I knew it was coming all summer. That there are many times where that statement is true. And at that moment I knew I had fallen into that statistic of High schoolers who hop from friends to friends. I walked past Hayley, a girl I had known since the seventh grade, she had been there for me through every little silly, sad, hysterical, and depressing moment of my teenage life. When we stopped talking in the summer, I thought school would bring us back together. Because there was never a Becky without a Hayley, and visa versa. But this morning at about 8:15 I realized we weren't friends anymore, and we would not be friends the way we had been the past five years. I walked past, and neither one of us looked at the other, neither tried to approach or talk to each other. We just went on with our days and our friends. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. Because to be quite honest I have no idea how this all happened. I guess it goes to show high school does change you, and I guess the sooner your figure that out the better. Maybe we'll find another to replace the missing limb in our lives. Maybe nobody will ever fill the void where Hayley oddly fit into my life. I never thought this was how things would be my senior year, as a freshman I pictured it completely different. But as Casey says "plans never work out". I'm hurt about the situation, but life goes on.
After this quick and deep epiphany, I made my way across the street to get into seminary with Shani. We once again had a new teacher. Joy. I had promised my mother that I would be nice. So I did my best, I honestly did. But some people just rub me the wrong way, and he's one of those people, and I'm sorry for saying it. And for once in two years, I had missed Brother Fuhriman. So after being scolded and showed pictures of apostles, class finally ended. I quickly walked out the classroom and out onto the side walk, walking quick I vented to Shani, venting usually doesn't last long with me, its a lot of noises and short words.
So after we made it back to campus we went our separate ways. I made my way into my economics class, I once again found the closest seat to the door, luckily in this class I had a few friends I knew pretty well. Mr. Markle is a loud, older man who enjoys banging a stick around. He read off of a power point very loudly, he was humorous, which made the class go by faster. We joked about past years in school, and things we have done. Memories we will not soon forget about, the kind of things where in ten years we will find each other on facebook and email back and forth for a few days talking about how funny it was. Class ended and we quietly went our separate ways, until the next "B" day.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
First day of School
So, this morning I personally decided to write a blog about my senior year. What made me decide is my boyfriends sister started high school today, and I remember how I thought and hoped high school would be. Which was pretty much what I saw in the movies. But it doesn't take long to realize that is not the case, especially in Nampa, Idaho. So I'm going to write this blog to document how high school really is for the average teen. Even if nobody actually reads it, I will like having it for myself in the future. Enjoy.
Today was the first day of school. You hope for the best, pick out your personal best outfit and hope you have a friend in every class. The usually nervousness hit this morning while I was getting ready. Thinking of everything that could possibly happen today, the good and the bad. Hopes to reconnect with old friends and past teachers.
The day started out pretty good, I woke up got ready and was out the door in a timely manor. I pushed my way through the lunchroom to find the table with the letter "D" on it to pick up my schedule. After being ignored by the clearly overwhelmed man, he shuffled through the papers and to my surprise I was handed a schedule that needed no fixing. After seeing my friends' schedules and how many mistakes were made on theirs you can see why it was a shock I had no corrections to make.
I made my way to the near end of campus and scooted into my art class, only to find I had no friends and one "enemy" I would say. This is something we all dread. I sat on the very edge of the small cramped table. Annoyed with underclassmen talking about how much "partying" they did over the summer, and it all sounded ridiculous. So I focused on my "get to know you" worksheet, but I soon found that I had finished the worksheet more than anybody else had. The announcements came on and were ignored as usual. Then it was time to stand for the pledge, I had done this a million times since first grade I should know better by now, but as I stood up the necklace my mom had just bought me, and which had gone perfectly with my outfit :-), caught on the edge of my tiny table and snapped, half falling to the floor and the rest hanging around my neck. I was so embarrassed i grabbed the pieces and threw them in my bag, knowing i would ask Casey to fix it. I went through my art class quite and only spoke when spoken to, and was greatly relieved when the bell finally rang.
I then made my way through the crowd in the cramped hallways in the 300 building. Then, very embarrassed had to stop and ask the security guard for directions to a "portable". Which ended up being on the edge of campus border lining Sonic, which everybody thought was very nifty. I decided to mosey around and go visit an old English teacher, which was somewhat on the way. I walked in and she was happy to see me and it made me realize time was passing faster than I had ever known. She quickly asked who my English teacher was, and fumbling for my schedule I showed her, she looked at my English period and made a funny face, a not-so-good funny face, and I knew what that meant, I got THE mean English teacher. After giving me the advice of not arguing and not getting behind on my work, with the promise of helping me with work i made my way to the portable back in the land of misfit toys for Government. I sat down pleased to see somewhat friends of mine walking into the room. We chatted and the period away and laughed at the silly games we played. The bell rang and it was like a rat race to get out of the tiny room with a tiny door.
I went straight to my English class with the hopes of not starting off on a bad foot, but still I was late, which was not my fault. But me along with the rest of the tardy students were lightly reprimanded and told it would pass for the first day. I sat in class board, I found myself once again annoyed with a group of boys in the room being obnoxious and loud mouthed. After the rules were gone through we were given an assignment, nothing flashy or exiting, but a three to four paragraph essay about ourselves. I have a horrible time writing essays about myself, who can be good at something like that? Certainly not me, let me write about the person next to me and I'll be fine, but trying to tell somebody about myself is a challenge for me. I did my best, didn't write anything outstanding, introduced myself and told about my hobbies and why I liked living in Idaho. Once I was finished I was quite proud of myself, I had to leave class early to I stashed my paper away in my bag. Then some students began sharing their papers with the class, after once girl read hers about how shes pretty average and she loves Jesus and how she wants to be a youth pastor, doesn't sound very exiting but the way she wrote it gave it voice and personality. I was instantly disappointed and thought to myself that I would re-write mine when I had a chance.
English ended early for me, since I had a class at another school I was let out ten minutes early so I could make it there and to my class on time. Now, this wasn't just any class to me, this was the class I had waited all summer to take. It was a culinary arts class, the pre-requisite for the class was nutrition and foods, which I took the previous year, I worked very hard in the class and payed attention in the hopes of taking this class, also my counselor told me only a select few get choosen to take the class and usualy students from other schools don't get in, which made me even more exited that I got in.
So, I walked into this unfamiliar building, lost and confused, I had nobody to ask for directions without looking like a new freshman. So since I'm Becky I aimlessly walked around until I found the "Red" hallway, my anticipation grew as I saw the numbers getting smaller on the doors, I was looking for R100, I saw a sign that said "R100" with an arrow pointing ahead, I walked near the door exited to finally be here, I expected to see a small group of students. I walked into the classroom and saw a normal size class of about twenty students, I quickly sat down at a table in the back next to a boy named Hugo who drew pictures of people with big heads and little bodies. After getting many odd looks from other people, I knew they realized I wasn't from their school. I kept to myself during most of the class, I participate (and felt lame) playing two truths and a dare. It seems I can never come up with really interesting truths, or a believable lie. I've always been horrible at games like these. I sat in the back of the class disappointed, I was looking forward to an interesting cooking class where I could learn more about cooking that I don't already know, and meet other teens my age who enjoy cooking the way I do. But instead I got a class full of stuck ups, stoners, and jocks. Not that singularly these people are necessarily bad, you just need to understand I had high expectations for this class trying to get ahead of the game on my career plans. I was even more disappointed when I learned that since most of the students in the class had NOT taken Food and nutrition, that we would have to spend the first few weeks reviewing food saftey and giving them a chance to recieve their food handlers licence.
Since I was comming from a different school I also got to leave this class early so I had time to get back to my Home school. But since it was the last class of the day, I decided to run to casey's house since I was already half way there, I knew his mom had stayed home from work and I knew she would want to know how my cooking class was. I wanted to share my disapointment to see if I was out of line. When I got there casey was hanging with the men, so his mom and I talked in the kitchen and she understood my frustration, I felt validated to be disapointed. We stood and talked for awhile, then I went home and my first day of school finaly ended.
So the summary is, High school is disapointing, but It'll be alright. Things never go as expected, but it'll be just fine. and most important, high school isnt always fun, and nothing like what you see in the movies.
Wish me luck during my senior year!
MySpace Countdowns
Today was the first day of school. You hope for the best, pick out your personal best outfit and hope you have a friend in every class. The usually nervousness hit this morning while I was getting ready. Thinking of everything that could possibly happen today, the good and the bad. Hopes to reconnect with old friends and past teachers.
The day started out pretty good, I woke up got ready and was out the door in a timely manor. I pushed my way through the lunchroom to find the table with the letter "D" on it to pick up my schedule. After being ignored by the clearly overwhelmed man, he shuffled through the papers and to my surprise I was handed a schedule that needed no fixing. After seeing my friends' schedules and how many mistakes were made on theirs you can see why it was a shock I had no corrections to make.
I made my way to the near end of campus and scooted into my art class, only to find I had no friends and one "enemy" I would say. This is something we all dread. I sat on the very edge of the small cramped table. Annoyed with underclassmen talking about how much "partying" they did over the summer, and it all sounded ridiculous. So I focused on my "get to know you" worksheet, but I soon found that I had finished the worksheet more than anybody else had. The announcements came on and were ignored as usual. Then it was time to stand for the pledge, I had done this a million times since first grade I should know better by now, but as I stood up the necklace my mom had just bought me, and which had gone perfectly with my outfit :-), caught on the edge of my tiny table and snapped, half falling to the floor and the rest hanging around my neck. I was so embarrassed i grabbed the pieces and threw them in my bag, knowing i would ask Casey to fix it. I went through my art class quite and only spoke when spoken to, and was greatly relieved when the bell finally rang.
I then made my way through the crowd in the cramped hallways in the 300 building. Then, very embarrassed had to stop and ask the security guard for directions to a "portable". Which ended up being on the edge of campus border lining Sonic, which everybody thought was very nifty. I decided to mosey around and go visit an old English teacher, which was somewhat on the way. I walked in and she was happy to see me and it made me realize time was passing faster than I had ever known. She quickly asked who my English teacher was, and fumbling for my schedule I showed her, she looked at my English period and made a funny face, a not-so-good funny face, and I knew what that meant, I got THE mean English teacher. After giving me the advice of not arguing and not getting behind on my work, with the promise of helping me with work i made my way to the portable back in the land of misfit toys for Government. I sat down pleased to see somewhat friends of mine walking into the room. We chatted and the period away and laughed at the silly games we played. The bell rang and it was like a rat race to get out of the tiny room with a tiny door.
I went straight to my English class with the hopes of not starting off on a bad foot, but still I was late, which was not my fault. But me along with the rest of the tardy students were lightly reprimanded and told it would pass for the first day. I sat in class board, I found myself once again annoyed with a group of boys in the room being obnoxious and loud mouthed. After the rules were gone through we were given an assignment, nothing flashy or exiting, but a three to four paragraph essay about ourselves. I have a horrible time writing essays about myself, who can be good at something like that? Certainly not me, let me write about the person next to me and I'll be fine, but trying to tell somebody about myself is a challenge for me. I did my best, didn't write anything outstanding, introduced myself and told about my hobbies and why I liked living in Idaho. Once I was finished I was quite proud of myself, I had to leave class early to I stashed my paper away in my bag. Then some students began sharing their papers with the class, after once girl read hers about how shes pretty average and she loves Jesus and how she wants to be a youth pastor, doesn't sound very exiting but the way she wrote it gave it voice and personality. I was instantly disappointed and thought to myself that I would re-write mine when I had a chance.
English ended early for me, since I had a class at another school I was let out ten minutes early so I could make it there and to my class on time. Now, this wasn't just any class to me, this was the class I had waited all summer to take. It was a culinary arts class, the pre-requisite for the class was nutrition and foods, which I took the previous year, I worked very hard in the class and payed attention in the hopes of taking this class, also my counselor told me only a select few get choosen to take the class and usualy students from other schools don't get in, which made me even more exited that I got in.
So, I walked into this unfamiliar building, lost and confused, I had nobody to ask for directions without looking like a new freshman. So since I'm Becky I aimlessly walked around until I found the "Red" hallway, my anticipation grew as I saw the numbers getting smaller on the doors, I was looking for R100, I saw a sign that said "R100" with an arrow pointing ahead, I walked near the door exited to finally be here, I expected to see a small group of students. I walked into the classroom and saw a normal size class of about twenty students, I quickly sat down at a table in the back next to a boy named Hugo who drew pictures of people with big heads and little bodies. After getting many odd looks from other people, I knew they realized I wasn't from their school. I kept to myself during most of the class, I participate (and felt lame) playing two truths and a dare. It seems I can never come up with really interesting truths, or a believable lie. I've always been horrible at games like these. I sat in the back of the class disappointed, I was looking forward to an interesting cooking class where I could learn more about cooking that I don't already know, and meet other teens my age who enjoy cooking the way I do. But instead I got a class full of stuck ups, stoners, and jocks. Not that singularly these people are necessarily bad, you just need to understand I had high expectations for this class trying to get ahead of the game on my career plans. I was even more disappointed when I learned that since most of the students in the class had NOT taken Food and nutrition, that we would have to spend the first few weeks reviewing food saftey and giving them a chance to recieve their food handlers licence.
Since I was comming from a different school I also got to leave this class early so I had time to get back to my Home school. But since it was the last class of the day, I decided to run to casey's house since I was already half way there, I knew his mom had stayed home from work and I knew she would want to know how my cooking class was. I wanted to share my disapointment to see if I was out of line. When I got there casey was hanging with the men, so his mom and I talked in the kitchen and she understood my frustration, I felt validated to be disapointed. We stood and talked for awhile, then I went home and my first day of school finaly ended.
So the summary is, High school is disapointing, but It'll be alright. Things never go as expected, but it'll be just fine. and most important, high school isnt always fun, and nothing like what you see in the movies.
Wish me luck during my senior year!
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